In Memoriam

It is impossible for me to believe that one year ago today we buried my mother. How can it be that I haven’t spoken to her, heard her voice or seen her in over a year now? I guess one of the incomprehensible aspects of death is that someone so integral in one’s life can suddenly disappear. They disappear and those of us still here just have to keep on going.

My mother was an incredible woman. I have written about that and anyone who knew her can attest to it as well. When I was at Ferd and Bobbie’s house last year after she had died, there was a temporary bed in the little tv room off their sun room. During the brief time Bobbie had come home after she got the feeding tube and before she had to return to the hospital because of complications, she slept on that bed. I was so pleased to see that Ferd had printed a copy of Ellie’s prom picture and it was lying on the bed table. It was so comforting to know that my mother had seen her beautiful granddaughter on that special occasion. It is sad and difficult to think of the many momentous events and accomplishments of her grandchildren will go unknown by her because she is no longer here.

I don’t think my mother believed that the beloved dead were watching us from somewhere above or in heaven. I don’t think she believed the spirit survived the corporeal death. Watching her take her last breath, I knew that the person, the soul that was my mother was ending. She is not here anymore and she is not watching from above. What remains of my mother, of Bobbie, lives in the hearts and minds of all of us who knew and loved her. Our memories keep her alive and with us.

Often this year when I miss my mother too much, I call Ferd. Hearing his voice and talking to him is the closest I can come to talking to my mother. I am very grateful that in the aftermath of her death, we are at least as close or closer than we ever were. It is a big comfort.

One of the things I learned as Bobbie was dying that the 23rd Psalm was Bobbie’s favorite. We printed it on the little programs at her wake. They are certainly moving and beautiful words.

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

The Lord is my
shepherd,
I shall not want;
He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.
He leads me in
paths of righteousness
for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil;
for You
are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall
dwell in the house of the
Lord forever.

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One Comment to “In Memoriam”

  1. Jenny we also miss your mother and carry her memory with us. Ferd and I talked on the 17th and Ferd said he preferred remembering birthdays-not end of life days. I agree but can’t help remembering them both, actually I’m better at the end, i’ve always had trouble remembering birthdays. The sherry ladies were faithful birthday card ladies so I tried hard to remember each of their birthdays and was moderately successful. About 2 weeks ago when looking through CVS’s birthday cards I found one that made me laugh out loud. Immediately I thought, Bobbie will love tthis, then Bobbie isn’t here and it won’t be right for anyone else. I stopped looking at cards. Bobbie was a dear friend. I miss her.
    I don’t know if she’s watching over us, sometimes I feel so close to dead loved ones I think they must be near. I’m grateful for loving friendships and happy memories of beloved family and friends. I hope someday we’ll be together again but if I’m wrong thats OK, I’ll treasure the memories. 🙂 I say the Lord’s Prayer every day and I remember crying and saying it with your mom when she was in the hospital.
    Here’s to happy memories and your loving Bobbie.
    Dawn

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